Sometimes I would be forced to look at situations where I was doing badly. Right away, the search for excuses would become frantic.
“These,” I would exclaim, “are really a good man’s faults.” When that pet gadget broke apart, I would think, “Well, if those people would only treat me right, I wouldn’t have to behave the way I do.” Next was this: “God well knows that I do have awful compulsions. I just can’t get over this one. So He will have to release me.” At last came the time when I would shout, “This, I positively will not do! I won’t even try.”
Of course, my conflicts went right on mounting, because I was simply loaded with excuses, refusals, and outright rebellion.
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In self-appraisal, what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation.
1. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961
2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 60