After the husbands fifth trip to the host’s bar for refills,
the wife said, “Aren’t you embarrassed to go back so many times?”
Hubby: Nope. I keep telling them it’s for you.
A drunk walks in the front door of a bar and yells “Bartender, gimme a drink!”
The bartender says “Sir, you’re already intoxicated. I can’t serve you.”
The drunk grumbles and walks out the front door.
A few minutes later, he comes in the side door yelling “Bartender, gimme a drink!”
The bartender says “I already told you…you’re drunk and I can’t serve you!”
The drunk grumbles and walks out the side door.
A few minutes later he comes in the back door yelling “Bartender, gimme a drink!”
The bartender says “Look, buddy, I told you twice you’re too drunk and if you don’t leave now I’m calling the law!”
The drunk looks at him, awestruck. Finally, he asks “Just how many bars do you work in, anyway?”
YOU MIGHT BE AN ALCOHOLIC IF…
You’re fond of the saying “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
You don’t lose your car keys– you lose your car.
The stranger you wake up with is not the same sex as s/he was the night before.
You know what the barrel of a gun tastes like.
You’re telling the truth when you say “I don’t recall.”
You consider beer to be the Breakfast of Champions.
You wake up to blue lights in the rearview mirror.
You think the pill bottle warning label “ALCOHOL MAY INTENSIFY THIS EFFECT” is a serving suggestion.
When the doctor advises clear fluids, you drink vodka.
The song that best describes your mornings is “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On.”